How to Write ABOOT Canadians

Canadian Eh? 

^ This is the perfect title for your story as it's original and has never been used before. 

Before you start talking about how nice and free spirited Canadians are, make sure you mention how selfless and understanding they are. If one of your character’s friends ever encounters a dramatic issue, they must always come back to your character as they will listen to them with a kind, open-heart and not let their issues affect them in anyway. Highlighting the fact that they are pushovers and doormats is essential in delivering an accurate piece of work.

Lets face it, pretty much your entire piece of writing will include the word “eh” at the end of every sentence. If a certain character in your story threatens or hurts your main character, MAKE SURE that your character apologizes non-stop, offering themselves as sacrifice because that is their nature. If your character does NOT apologize constantly for potentially almost being killed, your character will automatically be seen in a very negative light; a bad representation of Canadians.

In terms of hobbies and interests, make sure you emphasize how much your character adores Justin Bieber! No one has ever heard of anyone other than the Canadian heartthrob that absolutely adores his fans. Shania Twain? Avril Lavigne? Who?

Due to the fact that Canadians are such selfless people with no personality, polluting the environment would be terribly awful for your story. Your character will ride his/her polar bear to work everyday in the cold yearlong snow.

Make a note that your character’s only friends consist of beavers and moose that they love to constantly ride and complement as if they were human. In terms of your character’s costume, they should always be dressed as either a lumberjack or an eskimo. Also, your character should live in a igloo throughout the year as in Canada, there is no chance of hot summer days. It’s important to know what the weather is like over there!

Your character must only speak English as French Is not accepted in Canada. Canada is a English speaking country no matter what any outside source says. The idea of “French Canadians” is irrelevant to the French Language. As the French are mostly loud and angry half the time, when your character feels the need to express themselves, use expressions such as “Holy Smokes” or “Sugar Plums”. That’s as ‘vulgar’ it will get in your story if you character even DREAMS of expressing anger.

Your character speaks in English, thinks in English, and what not. Your character must use expressions such as “Goodheavens, No” as he/she will identify themselves as being either British or Irish.

One of the most important elements of your character that must be highlighted is their diet. No matter where your character is, he or she should always carry a bottle of maple syrup in their ROOTS backpack. In addition to this, bacon and beaver tales should be available 24/7. Every meal that your character sits down for will consist of bacon and maple syrup. Heck! (Canadians should never swear). Why not throw in a couple maple trees in their backyard?

To finish off, maybe throw in a quote about kindness and caring for others.